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Nuke Haman: Israel News Faxx Wishes You a Happy Purim


Purim Attack Prevented: 44-Pound Bomb Neutralized

By IsraelNationalNews.com & VOA News

A bomb was found Sunday night when two Arabs tried to bring it through a checkpoint near Shechem (Nablus) for planned detonation on the festive holiday of Purim on Tuesday. Israel is on high alert.

The small but powerful, almost 44-pound bomb was hidden in a large jar of olives, which two 18-year-olds were carrying in a duffle bag. The two youths acted "strangely," an officer said, arousing the suspicions of the checkpoint soldiers.

The soldiers told them to place their bags on the ground, at which point a suspicious object was noted, and the entire checkpoint entered "suicide terrorist" mode. The terrorists were told to move away from the bags, the checkpoint was closed, and sappers were called to the site. Upon their arrest, the Arabs told investigators that the bomb originated in Shechem, where terrorist activity has been on the increase of late.

Israel is on high terrorist alert throughout the country, and particularly in the north, because of fear of Purim terrorist attacks. The holiday started Monday evening and continues through Tuesday in most of the country, while in Jerusalem, it is Tuesday night and Wednesday.

Israel's intelligence community is considering 59 different terrorist warnings, including 14 specific ones. A closure has been imposed on the PA-controlled areas in Judea and Samaria, and thousands of policemen and volunteers are manning areas around the country.

A threat from the Hizbullah terror organization in Lebanon is also being taken seriously. Several roads have been closed in the north, and farmers are not permitted to farm their lands adjacent to the Israel-Lebanon border fence.

The Tel Aviv District Court sentenced Lanin Muhammed Al-Turi to 16 years in prison Monday, for his attempt to kill an Israeli and kidnap a soldier and transfer him to Hamas in Ramallah. Two wanted Tanzim terrorists were arrested by Israeli forces in Bethlehem during the night.

Officials from the terrorist Islamic group Hamas met Monday with the Fatah party of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas on forming a new Palestinian government.

A spokesman for Fatah, Azzam El Ahmed, the leader of Fatah's parliamentary bloc, said after an initial session in Gaza that Fatah is not likely to join a Hamas-led government. He said relations between Hamas and Fatah are facing a crisis of trust. In talks on Saturday, Hamas presented Fatah with a draft of a government program, which Fatah rejected.


Purim Always Brings Satirical News Reports

Sharon Wakes from Coma – Declares He Is a Changed Man

By Tzvi Fishman (By IsraelNationalNews.com)

On the most electrifying day in Israel since Ben-Gurion declared Independence, news is spreading across the country that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon awoke during the night.

The Prime Minister was healthy, talking, and completely aware this morning. Israeli media have been covering the miraculous event with an attitude of what can only be described as jubilance - Israel's hero has come back to life. Even Sharon's most vociferous enemies have been silenced by the enormity of the event.

By midday, Sharon's situation had changed. News reports were less exuberant. Visitors were filmed leaving Sharon's hospital room looking worried and subdued. A rumor was spreading that the first thing that Sharon had asked for was a kippah [yarmulke]. By late afternoon, a photograph was leaked to the press showing Sharon, adorned in tefillin [phylacteries] and a prayer shawl, praying by the hospital room window. Surrounding him were right-wing Knesset candidate Baruch Marzel and Knesset members from the religious parties Shas, Agudah, and the National Union/NRP.

A thinner, tearful Sharon addressed the people of Israel at a press conference this evening. With his head lowered, and in a soft, almost embarrassed voice, he began by saying, 'Baruch Hashem, Thank God. In the Supreme Court in Heaven, my soul was sentenced to eternal wandering, with no comfort nor rest - just like all the settlers whom I uprooted from their homes. But because of your prayers, I was granted a reprieve. I hope all of you can find room in your hearts to forgive me for the terrible damage I caused, and for leading our country astray.'

Before leaving the hospital, Sharon fired all of his cabinet members, Instead placing religious Knesset members in their place. He signed a Prime Ministerial order placing Ehud Olmert under court arrest as a danger to public safety.

'His advice was more venomous than Haman's," Sharon declared. He then went to the Kotel [Western Wall] to pray. As he walked toward the most significant religious place for Jews, the crowds shouted "Arik! Melech Yisrael [King of Israel]!"

For the next two weeks, before returning to his office, Sharon plans to journey around the country, visiting every single family he expelled from Gush Katif and the Shomron. His goal is to personally beg for their forgiveness.

If Ariel Sharon's Kadima party wins the election, he says he will dismantle the party and unite all of the Jews in a new party, Brotherhood of the Brit [Covenant]. He further promises that within three months, Gaza City will be razed, the Arabs transferred to Egypt, and construction begun to rebuild Gush Katif.

Just before midnight, in a sensational, three-hour blitz, Israeli Air Force bombers leveled the atomic reactor in Iran. After hearing that the mission was a success, Sharon held an emergency press conference, announcing that Israel's bombers could just as easily reach Paris and Moscow.

Following the press conference, Sharon bought an apartment in Kiryat Arba and expressed interest in joining the kollel [Torah study group] in Hebron.


Mahmud Hamandinjad House Gets Nuked, All Within Die

By Yishai Fleisher (IsraelNationalNews.com)

Mahmud Hamandinajad was killed Monday along with his entire household when his house dissipated in a mushroom cloud, putting all of Teheran in a decidedly bad mood. "It was like Allah took him in a Chariot of Fire," said Yishmael Taweelhed.

The mystery surrounding the explosion has yet to be unearthed, but some facts have come to the surface. A few weeks ago, Hamandinajad had become tenser then usual when Iran's secret police informed him that the seed of Yigal Amir, Israel's most famous prisoner, was to be transferred over to his new bride. This piece of news created great anxiety in Hamadinajad's heart, for it corroborated the message of an ancient scroll dating to the time of Daniel the Prophet which was in Hamandinajad's possession.

The scroll states that in the end of times a man who wields a fire-stick will attempt to save the Jewish people, but will instead be imprisoned and unable to procreate. But a new magic will arise which will enable him to have a child without union. It is this seed which will bring about the redemption of the Jews and the destruction of their enemies. Concerned with his fate, and the fate of his people, Hamandinajad embarked on a plan to nuke the Israeli prison which holds Yigal Amir.

Ahamandinajad was planning to fire a nuclear-tipped Jihad3 missiles at Israel on March 14th - a date randomly selected by computer. In the weeks beforehand, however, a delegation of American Reform Rabbis for Homosexual Marriage was touring Iran on a goodwill mission. This delegation was headed by a certain Dr. Trimbobler who curried the favor of Iran's top echelons, and though she wore a burka throughout the trip, she generally found favor in all who saw her. In fact, she was shown many of Iran's secret installations, including the silo sites for the Jihad 3.

Unbeknownst to her fellow travelers, and certainly to Iranian officials, Trimbobler was on a secret mission code named "Nahafochu" for the underground organization "Jews For Jihad," whose mission is to turn Muslim Jihad in on itself. (She once famously quipped "If they want to commit suicide, let them really commit suicide.")

Upon entrance to the Jihad 3 installation, Trimbobler faked a broken heel, and proceeded to access the coordinates of the missile target. "I had only seconds to do it," Trimbobler said, "and my life was in danger, but then I heard Ilan Ramon's voice talking to me as if from the heavens, and he said to me 'Use the force, Larrisa, and as God guided me to Osirak, so too, He will guide you. Fear not, for the force will be with you - always!" Trimbobler was able to change the coordinates without being detected.

In the days prior to the launch date, Hamandinajad was noticeably perturbed, waiting anxiously to fire the deadly arsenal. His only solace was listening to Wagner on his specially designed Triangular earphones, and drawing anti-Semitic cartoons for a local daily. Hamandinjad dreamt of the day when he would be paraded on the main streets of the world and heralded as "Master of the Universe." If he could kill the Messiah, then he would rule the world, and become even more powerful then his heroes Hitler, Khomeini, and Gargamel.

When the fateful day came, it began badly when a metal bucket came crashing on Hamandinajad's head. A household servant named Cherbona, who was not in the house when it exploded, told reporters that the bucket was filled with manure from the sheep that the Hamandinajads kept on the second floor. "Muhmud's wife, Ichsa, was cleaning the stalls of Mahmud's favorite sheep, and the bucket simply fell on his head" said Cherbona.

Hamandinajad was not to be dissuaded, though, and was readying to depress the Red Button which he had installed in his own house so that he could watch the whole thing on CNN from his own couch. He gathered all his 10 children around himself and prayed out loud, "Oh Allah, you know we are a backwards people, a people bent on violence and world domination, please help us destroy the Messiah!!!"

At 1:27 a.m., a gigantic fiery explosion ripped through downtown Teheran with its epicenter being at Hamandinajad's home. It seems as though a certain Jihad 3 missile had gone off course. The light generated by the nuclear explosion was so great that it illuminated the night sky of Israel 2,000 kilometers away. The Jews had light and joy that night and great celebrations were held. The president of Israel, Baruch Marzel, issued pardons to many Jewish criminals who promised to do Teshuva. Yigal Amir was released and promptly held a massive chuppah at Kikar Malchai Yisrael (Rabin Square) for him and his bride Dr. Larissa Trimbobler.


Jews "Get It", America Faces Nationwide Bankruptcy

By Malkah "MixMaster" Fleisher (IsraelNationalNews.com)

In an as yet unexplained turn of events, an unprecedented number of Jews have registered to make Aliyah in time for the Jewish holiday of Passover – six million.

World leaders across the globe will be meeting in Durban, South Africa to discuss their new Jew-less situation. French President Jacques Chirac seemed to be walking on air as he glided between meetings of the international heads. "I had always hoped that my country would be Jew-free, but I never expected it to happen," Chirac stated in a press conference outside the same conference center in which international elements proclaimed Zionism to be racism just five years ago. "Only yesterday I was defaming Israel and secretly ordering undercover police officers to break Jewish storefronts. My morning baguette just won't taste as good, knowing that it was baked in a world where Jews are happy."

President George W. Bush, however, was seen weeping openly between bouts of nose-blowing with the help of his Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice. "What the heck am I going to do without those dear Jewish friends," Bush lamented in a press conference following the introductory meeting. "Y'all don't know how much money those Jews make us. It's almost like God just follows them around, giving them assistance in everything they do."

When asked if his concern at the Jewish departure was financially based, Bush said "I mean, luckily for me, I'm just wealthy and there's not much for me to worry about, but what about the poor people? Just thinking about what poor little girls like Jennifer Aniston will do for supper after our stock market crashes just puts me in a huff."

Half way through the press conference, Bush broke down in sobs and was carted away by his wife Laura, crying "What about Kwanzaa? What will we do without KWANZAA?!"

Despite recent political unrest and socio-economic criticism, Israel will now become home to all but 20,000 of the world's Jews. These 20,000 Jews are comprised of Chabad religious representatives, who will continue to maintain their posts in far away tourist locations such as Katmandu and Reikjavik, and 4,000 Jews in Manhattan who declared in a New York Times paid advertisement that "Manhattan is the new Jerusalem." (Editor: Happy Purim.)


Terror in Florida

By Ed Ziegler (Commentary)

We all realize that there are fanatic terrorists throughout the world whose goal seems to be to implement strict Islamic law everywhere. The media coverage makes it appear that the only place of real concern is in the Middle East, in countries such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc. On the contrary, there are reasons for genuine concern everywhere. In England, France, Germany and even here in Florida (my home).

You may be thinking there is nothing for me to worry about here. There has been no rioting, no bombings or protesting of Mohammed's cartoons. Therefore there is naught to be concerned about in Florida. Wrong!                        !

Such rationalization is overly simplistic. Terrorist acts develop in stages. Normally it requires time and planning. Then comes the deed --whatever they devise. Take the rioting over the cartoons of Mohammed published in September 2005. It took Islamic leaders and clergy four month to whip up their followers around the world to riot and cause mayhem.

As of 2005 the estimated Muslim population in the United States is between five and eight million and growing rapidly. The Jewish population is estimated at only six million, and diminishing. I believe most of these Muslims are moderates who want to live and let live. However, there are individuals suspected of being terrorists living in the United States. It is reasonable to believe there is a known and unknown contingent living in Florida who have intentions to harm the infidels Jews and Christians. Unfortunately they do not wear a sign nor stand out in a crowd. One must look beyond the surface.

A good example of a sleeper terrorist is Ramadan Abdallah Shalah who was born in the Gaza strip and went to London for his education. While in England, Shalah was named head of the local Islamic Jihad office. In the 1990s Ramadan taught Middle East courses at the South Florida University in Tampa. In 2002 Shalah was the leader of the Islamic Jihad in Syria.

There was a protest march in Philadelphia in January where 200 protesters gathered outside the offices of the "Philadelphia Inquirer" to condemn the reprinting of the caricature of the Prophet Mohammad. While in other parts of the world, such as England, rioting Islamic protesters chanted, "Massacre those who insult Islam." If they are in Philadelphia it is a good chance Islamic sympathizers are in Florida.

In January 2004 "The World Net Daily" reported on a Florida Islamic Conference The leader, Dr. Sayed M. Saeed, assured the media that those present represented 'mainstream' Islam, and radical rhetoric or 'misguided imams' would not be tolerated. Yet there were a number of speakers of questionable leanings such as Egyptian cleric Sheikh Wagdy Ghunaim.

On May 24, 1998 Ghunaim was the guest speaker at the American Muslim Alliance conference held at Brooklyn College. According to "Jihad Watch" and "Pipeline," before leading the audience in anti-Jewish verse, Ghuneim said: "The Jews distort words from their meanings. They killed the prophets and worshipped idols." It was also reported that in 1996 Ghuneim said, "Those young people who explode themselves to kill the Jews were not committing suicide but jihad. Allah bless those martyrs." It seems that Dr. Saeed's assurance is worthless.

In Tampa the Muslim American Society (MAS) sponsored an Olympic event for children on March 12 and 13th. On the surface everyone would agree this is good for the children. However according to Joe Kaufman of the "Americans Against Hate," the MAS is an arm of the Muslim Brotherhood. The Muslim Brotherhood is widely classified as a terrorist organization.

Hopefully, everyone will always remember 9/11 when terrorists hijacked airplanes and crashed them into the World Trade Center buildings and the Pentagon. What does that have to do with Florida? Well it has been established that many of these hijackers lived in Florida for at least one year preparing to implement these disasters.

Mohamed Atta and Marwan al-Shehhi, were two of the leaders of the plot and lived in a Delray Beach Condo. In July 2000 they began flying lessons in Venice, Florida. Monies were funneled from the United Arab Emirates through SunTrust bank accounts in Florida to Atta and al-Shehhi. Some funds came from the al-Qaeda terrorist organization for an estimated total of $500,000.

You may be thinking there is nothing I can do. Wrong! There are things you can do. Do not take everything at face value. Be cautious and become well informed and learn who is saying and doing whatever. If you would like, contact me and I can direct you to web sites. Remember Never Again It is up to all of us.

(Ziegler is a board member of the New Jewish Congregation in The Villages, Florida, and a past president of its Brotherhood. His e-mail is EZ14@comcast.net.


Evangelical Broadcaster Pat Robertson Calls Radical Muslims 'Satanic'

By Israel Faxx News Services

Americans United for Separation of Church and State have criticized TV preacher Pat Robertson for a virulent attack on Islam.

On the live version of his "700 Club" program Monday, Robertson charged that Islam is not a religion of peace, that Muslims are demonic and satanic and that they are trying to take over the world.

Said Robertson, "These people are crazed fanatics and I want to say it now: I believe it's motivated by demonic power, it is satanic and it's time we recognize what we're dealing with…. The goal of Islam, ladies and gentlemen, whether you like it or not, is world domination." He insisted that "Islam is not a religion of peace."

In the version of the show posted on the Internet, the offensive remarks were deleted. The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, Americans United executive director, said the attempt to erase the comments was too little, too late.

"At a time when inter-religious tensions around the world are at an all-time high, Robertson seems determined to throw gasoline on the fire," said Lynn. "His comments are grossly irresponsible. Robertson seems to be wrestling with demons of his own, namely intolerance and bigotry. To condemn an entire religion because of the behavior of some is deplorable.

After watching a news segment about radical Islam in Europe, Robertson remarked that the outpouring of rage elicited by cartoon drawings of the Prophet Mohammed "just shows the kind of people we're dealing with. These people are crazed fanatics, and I want to say it now: I believe it's motivated by demonic power. It is satanic and it's time we recognize what we're dealing with." Robertson also said that "the goal of Islam, ladies and gentlemen whether you like it or not, is world domination."



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