Newsletter : 8fax0227.txt
| Previous file
| Next file
>JN Feb. 27, 1998, Vol. 6, No. 38
Report: CIA Drafts Iraq Plans
By IINS News Service
The CIA has drafted plans to topple Saddam Hussein by enlisting
Kurdish and Shiite agents to sabotage key economic and political
targets in Iraq, The New York Times reports. The plan, the fifth
covert attempt by the CIA to get rid of the Iraqi president, must
be approved by President Clinton. Many of the Clinton's advisers
are skeptical of the proposal, according to the Times.
Israeli Special Forces Inside Iraq
By IINS News Service
Inside Iraq, clandestine operations have been underway by American,
British and Israeli special forces. Special forces were operating
inside Iraq this week, as part of the preparation for an attack
designed to persuade President Saddam Hussein to allow unlimited
inspections, to see if he had stored any more weapons of mass
If the agreement of Feb. 22 between UN Secretary General Kofi Annan
and Saddam Hussein holds, America, Britain and Israel will have to
decide whether or not to withdraw these "special" units. Reports
indicate the commandos may be working together to pinpoint targets
and deal with other classified missions.
God Accused of Having an Affair
Turmoil has rocked Heaven as allegations have been made that
God had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal started
when a 21-year-old woman, known as Mary, claimed she had given
birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for
a long time," that she was constantly talking about her
relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his
In a news conference, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No
sexual relationship existed," and that "the facts of this story
will come out in time, verily."
Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief
with the Justice Department to expand his investigation to cover
questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and
whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his
illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as
the "Wise Men." Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels
who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair.
Critics say these allegations have little to do with the charges
that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate -- that God
had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence
of a failed land deal.
In recent months, Beelzebub's investigation has already been
expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts
that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as
well as claims that the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was
to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the
giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish
special interest group was quid pro quo for political
If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a
huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading
for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for
wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan
consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments," which has been
introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses.
Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions
for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are
planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an
unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
Dinner is Served
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man
commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.
"Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old.
But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."
The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."
The Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied.
"Where did your people eat for a thousand years?
God's Dialogue with Moses on Mt. Sinai
G: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never
cook a calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel.
Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat
G: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's
Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is
we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two
are not in our stomachs.
G: No, Moses, what I'm saying is, don't cook a calf in its
Moses: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What
you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for
milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have
to bury that dish outside....
G: Ah, do whatever you want....
(All material on these web pages is © 2001-2012
by Electronic World Communications, Inc.)